What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 10:03
I don,t even have a pension.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was very sick at this time too.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do you think it is bad to allow people to self-identify as a different gender?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She married twice! .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why did i forgive my father ?
How do you cope when your mother doesn't love you?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I waited trembling.
But, we were locked up after school.
Can you summarize season 1 of "The Acolyte"?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What is the worst name in Tolkien’s legendarium (meaning and look)?
Would this be the day?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Google Play Store replaces ‘1-tap buy’ with ‘Slide to buy’ - 9to5Google
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What is one small habit that has transformed your life in unexpected ways?
She found it foreign!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Can a cop pull you over walking home asking why you are out so late?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My family never makes their pension either.
What’s the worst thing you caught anyone in your family doing?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When she asked me how she looked .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Do Flat Earthers exist today? If so, where do they live?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why am I attracted to older men?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why aren't there any Indian girls married to Chinese guys but Chinese girls married to Indian guys?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But it wasn’t much.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Put me off passion for life!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I said to her
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Comes on , in middle age.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I think the readers, may guess!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot live in the past .
She wouldn,t have been !
What did i know ?
I have no regrets .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He knew the spot.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I will be 64.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She was in good health!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
All the time i was locked up.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im still living with it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And i lived it daily.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is soul school!.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She loved him until the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Who then, do I blame.?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was scared of men, in general
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So whats the point in blame.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We all went to grammer schools
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So, i spoilt her more .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We were not on the streets..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ive learnt so much.